Have you ever been extremely close to someone, felt like you were so in sync with them…and then at some point, the two of you hit a place where you were either growing at different speeds, or growing in opposite directions?

This happens to ALL of us at a certain point along the road of our relationship, whether it’s a love relationship, a friendship, a work relationship or a family relationship.  Experiencing periods of being out of sync is inevitable, because we all have our own paths to follow, and our own trials to overcome.  Sometimes we will come back into harmony and sometimes we will not…this is a reality of life that is hard for many of us to accept. 

But what creates the lack of syncing? And if it’s possible to get back into harmony with someone, how do we do it?

The starting point for our falling out of sync with another is when one of us hits a roadblock that we don’t know how to navigate.  Trials and roadblocks arise on the path of life, whether we like it or not, and no one is denied such experiences. However, each of us has different ways of dealing with roadblocks.  Some of us back up and take a detour, some of us get out a shovel or jackhammer and start chipping away, and some of us sit and wait for it to be removed by a miraculous, and perhaps illusory, outside force.

We like to deal with our most complex issues on our own terms.  Take it at our own pace. Not be pushed or shoved into growing faster than we feel comfortable with.  We get upset, frustrated and resentful if someone is constantly pushing us out of our comfort zone.  If it is someone we have asked to do that for us, like a coach or mentor, then their nudging is generally appreciated, as long as it’s not abusive.  But if being a hired coach or mentor is NOT the role the other person is playing in our lives, we will slowly start to move away from that person, if they do not relent with their pushing.  

This dynamic is obvious when we are the ones on the hot seat, dealing with the roadblock.

But, when it comes to others around us dealing with their roadblocks, we can often step into what the Buddhist’s call our “self-cherishing ego”. We are often not as patient with our loved ones, and want them to take action and resolve their issues quickly.  We want the issue to be out of the way so it doesn’t interrupt the flow of our relationship with them.  We might even want them to follow our advice on how to resolve their issues, and react anywhere from passively aggressive to outright aggressive, if they don’t heed our wisdom. 

And then what happens is…that person starts backing away from us, consciously or unconsciously.  This is the start of the unsync-ing.  

But, you may say, aren’t we meant to be in each other’s lives for a reason?  Aren’t we supposed to push each other and help one another up the mountain?  YES!  

However, when we are overly directive or aggressive in helping people with their issues, then the problem is that we have taken their issue on as our own.  This is a big no-no in the journey of the soul.

The problem with taking on other people’s issues as our own is that this weakens our energy and theirs as well, because it wasn’t OUR lesson to learn to begin with.  Even if we convince the other person to do what we have advised them to do, if the action doesn’t originate from their own desire and drive, then we have only delayed the other person from truly learning their lesson.

So what to do?  How to help another without over-pushing and creating them to back away?

  • Give your loved one space to resolve the issue on their own terms and at their own pace.  Your growth will be in developing patience and trust.  Remember, it’s their issue, not yours.  This includes backing off and giving them space even in your thoughts.  People can sense on a deep level what you are thinking, and it affects their attitude towards you. 


  • Ask them if they’d like help with their issue.  And if they say no, you can gently let them know that it’s harder to go it alone, and that you’re there for them if they need.  But then you have to respect their answer.


  • Instead of telling them what outside action to take, help them find someone to work through the inner issue.  For example, if they are not taking action because of fear, a therapist or coach could possibly them talk through their fear, instead of talking through a step-by-step plan.  


  • Remind them that they have all the wisdom and strength inside of them, if they are willing to tap into it.


  • Surrender, and let go of control.  Let the process of the life happen…use your energy for you.  Channel your energy into what you want to create…!!